


Numbers

by M_oshi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, seungchuchu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 02:57:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17215697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M_oshi/pseuds/M_oshi
Summary: Seung-Gil likes numbers more than people. Because numbers were unwavering, solid, and true.Everything people weren’t.





	Numbers

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my very first short! I hope you enjoy! <3 This short has some sensitivity themes of suicidal thoughts and OCD behaviors

Seung-Gil likes numbers more than people. Because numbers were unwavering, solid, and true. 

Everything people weren’t.

~~~~~

Seung-Gil had counted 29 blue jackets when he first noticed Phichit Chulanont. 

He tried to tell himself it was the one yellow jacket he’d noticed. 

One.

Twenty-nine.

He found himself flinching at the odd number, immediately looking for one more blue jacket, and one more yellow jacket. 

Before he could continue his counting to distract himself from the 98% he’d made on his statistics test that would drop his grade to roughly a 99.2%, one yellow jacket, and one yellow jackets owner plopped into the chair across from him.

“Hi! Am I interrupting something?”

“Yes.” 

A blinding smile dimmed slightly, and Seung-Gil quickly looked away, fidgeting with his hands as he searched for one more blue jacket, and one more yellow jacket.

“Oh... Sorry... I’m Phichit! Phichit Chulanont!” The smile was back like it had never disappeared.

Seung-Gil felt his fingernails digging into his hands. 

“Seung-Gil Lee.”

“I know! That sounded weird- I’m not stalking you or something- I just- I’ve seen you around and our dorms are kinda close together- I’m making it worse, aren’t I?”

Seung-Gil let out a breath as he finally found one more blue jacket, and a jacket just yellow enough to count as yellow. 

“Just a bit.”

Phichit laughed nervously, tugging at his extremely yellow jacket.

“Anyways- Where’s your dog? She’s always with you.”

“You’re making yourself seem more stalkerish. She’s under the table.”

Seung-Gil curled his fingers into Gongjunim’s fur, the husky gently licking the pulse point on his wrist.

“She’s sooo cute!”

“Thank you. I should be going.” 

And with that, Seung-Gil clipped Gongjunim’s leash onto her collar and quickly left the library and the boy in the yellow jacket behind.

~~~~~

The second he saw Phichit Chulanont, he was attempting to not see anyone.

He obviously was not doing very well, as Phichit seemed to see him almost immediately. 

“Seung-Gil!” 

Seung-Gil felt himself cringe and sink into himself as Phichit- Now without his yellow jacket- bounded up to him, several people following behind him.

Seung-Gil simply nodded in acknowledgment, his fingers curling around Gongjunim’s leash. 

Six people.

“Hi! I’ve been looking for you at the library!”

“You still aren’t helping the stalker thing.” The words tumbled out before Seung-Gil could think to stop them, but Phichit didn’t seem to mind.

“Sorry, you must think I’m totally weird!” That smile did something to Seung-Gil, making his heart rate spike and his insides turn. 

Gongjunim nose pushed against his wrist.

“I should go-“

“Come to lunch with us! It’ll be fun, and you always look so lonely!”

Seung-Gil felt his fingernails digging into his palm.

No.

“Alright...”

~~~~~

After that it became hard to tell how many times he’d seen Phichit. He saw him all the time.

Not necessarily because he wanted to. The Thai made Seung-Gil’s heart jump and made his stomach do somersaults. 

But is seemed like Phichit was seeking him out.

On purpose.

A concept Seung-Gil didn’t quite understand.

Whether it was knocking obnoxiously on his door until he opened, appearing at the Library while Seung-Gil was working at the front desk, or bumping into him while he was just walking around campus, Phichit was never far behind Seung-Gil. 

And he didn’t know why.

“Maybe it’s because he likes you?” Seung-Gil glared at his roommate, Leo, from his side of their room.

“He does not.”

“He talks about you like all the time.”,

Four posters.

“He makes an effort to be where you are like, always.”,

Two textbooks on his desk.

“And it’s not like you’re horribly repulsed by him-“

Eight knocks on the door. And for once, he found himself wishing it was Leo’s boyfriend on the other side of the door.

He found himself hurriedly yanking his headphones on and shoving his laptop open, burying himself back into his statistics homework, his face glowing red as Leo opened the door.

“Hi Seung-Gil!”

Phichit followed his usual trend of not respecting personal space, pulling Seung-Gil’s headphones off and flopping across the foot of his bed.

Seung-Gil felt himself flinch.

“Was that necessary?”

“100% yes.”

Seung-Gil reluctantly closed his laptop, squinting as Phichit smiles at him so brightly he was fairly certain he was going to go blind.

“You need something?” 

“So glad you asked! My birthday party is coming up, and you’re coming.”

“What? No.” 

Phichit whined, pouting up at Seung-Gil.

“Please? It’ll be fun!”

No.

“Alright...”

~~~~~

It had been 18 days, 14 hours, and 22 minutes since Seung-Gil had seen Phichit-Chulanont. 

He’d known that going to the party was a bad idea. But all Phichit has to do was bat his eyelashes and Seung-Gil would agree to anything. 

He’d avoided everyone. He started working in the back room of the library. He only took Gongjunim on walks late at night when he couldn’t sleep. He finished his work out of class, and slid it under the Professor’s doors when no one was around. 

Leo didn’t push him. He probably sensed the danger and knew better. 

Other people obviously didn’t.

20 missed calls - 41 unread texts - Sara

12 missed calls - 25 unread texts - Mickey

21 missed calls - 15 unread texts - Emil

40 missed calls - 50 unread texts- Yuuri

35 missed calls - 34 unread texts - Viktor 

234 missed calls - 451 unread texts - 53 snap chats - 97 emails - 105 direct messages - Phichit:)

The odd numbers glared up at him from his phone screen.

Phichit knocked on the door an average of 31 times a day. 

Odd. 

He called an average of 13 times a day.

Odd. 

The emails, the Snapchats, the direct messages.

Odd. 

He found himself opening his dresser drawer, pushing aside his clothing and pulling out a wooden box. 

~~~

“Seung-Gil! Are you having fun?” He smiles slightly as he found himself with an armful of drunk Phichit.

“It isn’t too bad.” He felt slightly drunk himself. 

“I got you a present.”

“Really? Awe, you’re so cute!” 

He felt his face flush pink in a way he knew he couldn’t blame on the alcohol.

He tried to hand the carefully wrapped gift to Phichit, gasping as the gift was pushed into his hands, his back hitting the wall behind him. 

And Phichit was kissing him.

And it was warm and soft and passionate and he felt so so much and- 

“Yuuto...”

A name entirely not Seung-Gil’s brushed through Phichit’s lips. 

For a moment, he felt nothing. The present he’d been holding fell to the floor. Then he felt everything.

He pushed Phichit away and fled and quickly as his stumbling feet could take him. 

~~~

Odd.

~~~~~

He kneeled on his bed, carefully setting the wooden box in front of him.

He hadn’t counted it in so long. 

He wondered what his mother would think of she knew he’d brought it.

If she knew he was counting it.

What would Phichit think? 

He would never know. 

Shaking hands opened the box, warm fingers brushing against its cool metal.

One.

Click

Two.

Click

Three.

Click

Four.

Click

Five.

Click

Six.

Click

Muffled voices outside the door.

“He’s probably in here. He doesn’t go much of anywhere anymore.”

“I’m just worried about him...” 

Seung-Gil felt his heart seize, the metal suddenly freezing against his fingertips. 

Phichit. 

He felt frozen as he heard Leo unlocking the door, the jangle of keys ridiculously loud. 

He felt his roommates concerned brown eyes on him the moment he entered the room.

“Seung-Gil? What are you doing?”

Seung-Gil looked down at the revolver, closing the wooden box slowly.

“Counting.”

Leo’s eyes wondered to the box, and Seung-Gil swiftly moved it under his pillow. 

“Phichit is here.” 

“I need to take Gongjunim on a walk.”

“You need to talk to him. No one knows why you’ve suddenly shut yourself off-“ 

“And it’s no ones business. I’m going back to Korea at the end of the school year. None of this matters.” 

He clipped Gongjunim to her leash, walking out of the dorm and pulling his hood over his head as he brushed past Phichit. In his yellow jacket.

~~~~~

He didn’t realize it was raining. Not until it soaked through his clothes, his hair sticking to his face and neck.

He didn’t feel the cold latching onto him as he walked. 

He wasn’t sure where he was walking.

“Seung-Gil...?” 

He looked up, looking back down when greeted with the sight of a small Japanese man holding an umbrella over his head.

Yuuri Katsuki. 

“Are you okay...?” 

Seung-Gil opened his mouth for a moment before snapping it closed. The word felt heavy on his tongue.

“No.”

“Something to do with Phichit...?” 

Salt water burned his eyes as he bit his tongue, hands clenching around Gongjunim’s leash. 

“Yes.” The word came out as a half sob, and he cursed himself for being so weak. 

Yuuri carefully stepped closer, like he was facing a delicate china doll rather than a full grown man.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

That was all it took.

Yuuri held him as he cried, his shoulders shaking as he stumbled through the party and the kiss and that god damn name and counting and stupid yellow jackets and how he couldn’t believe he’d been so dumb to think anyone as beautiful as Phichit could ever want something like himself.

And Yuuri just listened. 

And when his sobs finally started to fade into hiccups, Yuuri took him by the arm and led him gently back to his dorm.

“You should talk to him. He doesn’t remember you knowt... He was really drunk that night...”

“There’s no point. He doesn’t want me. He never did. I was just something to keep him busy.” 

One, two, too many feelings. 

“Why do you count things?” 

“It helps.” 

“Does it? Or does it make you focus even more on whatever caused you to count.” 

Gongjunim licked his wrist.

“I don’t know.”

“She’s a service dog right? To sense the episodes?” 

“She’s in training. How did-“

“I had one.” Yuuri smiles lightly at him, patting Gongjunim’s head.”  
“Now go change clothes. You’re going to freeze to death.” 

Seung-Gil nodded, shakily unlocking his door.

“Thank you. For listening.”

“I’m not the only one who will.” 

Seung-Gil let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, pushing open the door to his room.

“Oh thank God- Go change clothes. I’m making enchiladas and you’re going to sit and eat and get warm. No running off.” 

He nodded numbly as Leo shoved clothes into his hands, pushing him to the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. 

Enchiladas sounded nice. 

So he did as he was told, dropping his wet clothes into the bathtub and changing into the warm dry ones that were shoved into his hands the moment he stepped into the room. 

He wandered to his bed while Leo cooked, his hands immediately going under his pillow.

The wooden box was gone.

~~~~~

He’d been standing outside the door for 12 minutes and 48 seconds. 

49.

50.

His nails dug into his palms as he raised his hand to knock for the fourteenth time, carefully tapping his knuckles against the wood. 

And then he saw yellow.

“Seung-Gil- I didn’t think you’d come see me- Yuuri told me a few things but not why you’ve been so distant, he said you needed to tell me-“

“You kissed me. At your party.”

Phichit already large dark eyes widened.

“O-Oh... I’m sorry if I upset you-”

“You called me Yuuto.” 

Realization clicked behind those huge brown eyes. 

“Oh God- Seung-Gil I’m so sorry- I was drunk, I didn’t- I haven’t even thought of him in months-“

“No, it’s fine. I understand. I’m not necessarily ideal. I just wanted to clear the air a bit so things could go back to normal-“ 

He was slipping. Every moment he stood there he slipped farther.

“No! You don’t get it, I don’t want things to go back to normal!” 

“Right. I’ll try to stay out of you way.” 

“Shut up! God just shut up! I like you! I have liked you! And- And I may not be as over him as I thought but I’m trying-“ 

“So I’m a rebound.” 

“What?! No! Don’t put words in my mouth Seung! I want to be with you! I kissed you because you’re you! Not because I want him!”

Tears were rolling down Phichit’s cheeks now, his eyes red as he tried to swipe the tears away. 

“I should go-“ 

“Don’t you fucking dare.” 

And Phichit was kissing him. 

He tasted like yellow. Like sunlight and warm and sweet and good and-

“Seung...” 

His name breathed through his lips.

And soon he was in Phichit’s room, his back against the wall, with an armful of sober Phichit.

And it felt like yellow.


End file.
